Taxes
by FlyingFleshEater
Summary: Naruto's son wants to know what his parents are doing alone in their room when they could be playing with him. Who better to ask than good old Uncle Gaara? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Taxes**

**Rating: PG**

**Summery: Toshi wants to know what his parents are doing alone in their room when they could be playing with him. Who better to ask than good old Uncle Gaara.**

**Disclaimer: I own Toshi and the dead sand cow. And the wolf that killed it.**

**Quote: It takes an idiot to do cool things. That's why it's cool.- _Haruko (FLCL)_**

**OOOOOO**

**Chapter 1**

Toshi was absolutely thrilled. His uncle Gaara had come from Suna for a conference between the nation leaders and had been invited to stay the night. The young blonde was currently sitting in his Uncle's lap, watching him make animals out of sand.

Toshi was laughing at a cow and kangaroo frolic around a field when his mother and father stood up. Toshi looked up quickly.

"Um... Gaara, Hinata and I have... business to attend to. Will you watch Toshi until he goes to sleep?" Naruto asked, Toshi thought the face he was making made him look funny and he was shifting form foot to foot and crossing his legs. Hinata was looking intently at Gaara. Toshi realized that they were 'silent talking', something he had yet to master. He shrugged and turned back to the sand animals.

Toshi felt Gaara nod and change the kangaroo into a wolf, which attacked the cow. He squealed in delight when the cow's head fell off.

Both Naruto and Hinata looked slightly put off by this happiness in death, but they both hurried to leave.

When they exited Toshi looked up at his Uncle. "Why don't Mommy and Daddy want to play with me anymore Uncle?"

"They are both very busy people." Gaara said calmly. But both he and Toshi jumped when there was a loud crash upstairs.

"What are they doing?" Toshi asked. Gaara looked rather uncomfortable at this question. He hesitated for a moment. "Well?" Toshi persisted.

"They're... doing their taxes." He finally said.

"What are taxes?" Toshi asked. Gaara was delayed from answering by a stream of heavy thudding sounds that came from up stairs. Some dust detached from the ceiling and floated down onto the two in the livingroom.

"Taxes are something that nearly everyone does in their lifetime." Gaara said eventually. The thuds continued and were accompanied by a loud roar. Toshi jumped in fright.

"Taxes sound scary." The boy said. "Are taxes hard?"

"The first time is a bit hard, but as you get older and become more experienced, it gets easier and takes less time. Your parents are professionals." Gaara said. Toshi nodded.

"Are you good at taxes, Uncle?" The blonde asked. Gaara's cheeks colored ever so slightly.

"Of course, I'm also a professional." He said. The thuds started up again.

"Will you teach me how to do taxes?" Toshi asked hopefully.

"No!" The man exclaimed. He definitely seemed uncomfortable now. Toshi looked disappointed, but forgot all about it when a loud scream filled the house. Then there was silence.

"Are Mommy and Daddy okay up there?" He asked his uncle.

"Oh, yes, they probably feel wonderful." Gaara muttered.

Toshi was silent for a long while. "Hey, Uncle Gaara?" He asked.

"What?"

"Where do babies come from?"

**OOOOOO**

**That's chapter one, there's one chapter left, so review and I'll put it up.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Taxes**

**Rating: PG**

**Summery: Naruto's son wants to know what his parents are doing up in their room all alone. How could it be more fun than playing with him?**

**Disclaimer: I own Toshi, Sumi, and Kishi**

**Quote: A young girl like you shouldn't touch that with your bare hands! -- _Haruko (FLCL)_ **

**OOOOOO**

**Chapter 2**

At the age of five, Sumi was much more emotionally mature than most adults. This included her father and Uncle Gaara, who was actually quite grown up for an inmature idiot. It also included her seven year old brother...

"Wahoo!" The shout rang out from the living room where Uncle Gaara had made the entire room into a sand castle.

Sumi had briefly left the room to go find her best friend, Kishi. She was on the upstairs landing when she saw him at the far end of the hall. With a big smile she approached him. When she got closer, she noticed that he was acting a bit peculiar. He was just standing there, facing her parent's bedroom door, his eyes blank and his mouth open wide. She stood behind him and looked over his shoulder.

She then realized why Kishi was just staring. Coming from behind the door were a series of rather loud grunts and moans. Sumi hoped that this meant she would get a new brother or sister soon. She already had a lot of brothers though, so she wanted a sister more.

At that moment Gaara made his way upstairs and saw the two children at the end of the hall.

"Sumi, Kishi, get away from there." He hissed at them. He hurried over to them and pulled them away from the door. "You shouldn't be up here." Then he preceded to drag them down stairs.

Once back in the living room Gaara dropped them onto a pile of sand.

"Why couldn't we be up stairs?" Kishi asked shyly.

"Because my Mommy and Daddy are doing their taxes, and it's very important, so you shouldn't bother them." Toshi said importantly.

"Taxes?" Kishi tilted his head to one side in confusion. He'd never heard of that before.

"That's right! Uncle Gaara told me all about it!" Toshi insisted.

Gaara looked up at the sound of his name to see three pairs of eyes looking at him.

"Are you sure that they're doing their taxes Uncle Gaara?" Sumi asked doubtfully.

"Of course he's sure!" Toshi exclaimed. "Uncle Gaara is very knowledgeable about these things."

"Why do you ask?" Gaara was uneasy about the look on the young Uzumaki girl.

"Because it sounded like they were having sex to me." Sumi said as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

Gaara slapped his forehead.

Toshi looked confused. He turned to his uncle. "Uncle Gaara? What's sex?"

**OOOOOO**

**All done!**

**I got this idea from my good friend BigFatBugFacedBabyEatingBrain and an episode of Full House.**

**Anyway, Review and all that jazz.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Taxes**

**Rating: PG**

**Summery: Gaara pops the question, and the question is quite surprising.**

**Disclaimer: Now Really**

**Quote: What were you doing down by the river! Fondling her yum-yums! BUNDLING HER CUPCAKES! -- _Mochon (FLCL)_ **

**A/N: My editor didn't see or approve this, so don't be surprised if this last chapter sucks.**

**OOOOOO**

Horror. Pure unadulterate horror. Shock, confusion, and horror. He felt like bursting into tears.

Kankuro stared at his younger brother. Gaara was just standing there with his teddy, looking up at the older boy.

"W-what did you just say?" Kankuro managed to stutter out.

The red head looked up innocently and Kankuro and the older boy suppressed a shudder of revulsion. _How can something that looks so cute be so evil._

"Where do babies come from?" Gaara said again, just as easily as the first time. Then he stuck his thumb in his mouth.

For a few sick moments Kankuro entertained the idea of telling the young boy to go ask father. But then he came to his senses and realized that he would eventually get in trouble for it. "Follow me." He said, grabbing his brother's arm. The older boy dragged his little boy around by his hand until they had reached Temari's room. Kankuro knocked urgently on the door.

"I'm coming, geez!" Temari yelled from the other side of the door. She opened the door and scowled out at her younger brothers. "What do you want?"

"Gaara has a question for you." Kankuro said pushing the younger boy forward.

"What is it?" She demanded, pretending that he didn't scare her.

"Where do babies come from?" The youngest asked. Temari's eyes widened for a split second.

"What do ya' want to know that for?" She asked.

Gaara shrugged. "At school, Junichi-san was talking about how he's going to have a new baby at his house and I wanted to know where the baby would come from."

"Oh, well, you know they teach you about it in school, when you're older." Temari said. Gaara scowled.

"I want to know now." He insisted. Temari swallowed rather forcefully at this. Kankuro sniggered at her.

"O.K." she muttered quietly. She opened her door wider. "Come in." Gaara walked into his sister's room calmly, but when Kankuro tried to follow he found the door slammed in his face.

"Hey!" The boy yelled, he banged on the door.

"Go away." Temari yelled from the other side.

"Humph." Kankuro crossed his arms over his chest and stalked off.

**oooooo**

Temari led Gaara over to her bed and sat down on it. "Get up here." She ordered. The small boy climbed up onto the bed and sat there with his teddy. "What is it exactly that you want to know?"

"Where do babies come from?" Gaara asked for the fourth time that day, he was really getting tired of this.

"They come from Finland." Temari said. Gaara looked confused.

"Where's Finland?" He asked.

"Um... sort of northwest of here." Temari said.

"How do they get to Suna?" The boy asked.

"The stork brings them." Temari said. "He takes all the babies to the hospital and gives them to the nursery."

"But Father said that I killed mother when I was born." Gaara said.

Temari had to think about that one. "Well, you see, when the stork brought you he accidently landed on your mother."

"He landed on my mother?"

"Yes. He's quite large you see." Temari assured him.

"So he squashed her?"

"Yes, but quite by accident."

"I'll kill him." Gaara said quite calmly. His sand flared up around him.

"But if you kill him there won't be any more babies." His older sister waved away the sand.

Gaara said nothing but he pulled his sand back into it's gourd. "Let me get this straight. The stork takes all the babies from Finland and brings them to the hospital. And he squashed my mother."

"That's right." Temari said.

"O.K." He jumped off of her bed. "Goodbye then." And he left.

"Well that was strangely easy." Temari muttered.

**oooooo**

**Thirteen Years Later**

Gaara was quite in awe. He had a wife. It was a bit overwhelming. The strangest part of it was that he was deadly frightened of her. He Shock Wave was very painful if it hit the right spot.

The two of them were at the moment preparing for their first night as husband and wife. Gaara entered the bed room to find her brushing her long purple hair. She noticed the movement and looked up at him. He realized he must've been frowning because she was looking at him strangely.

"What's wrong with you?" She demanded.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked quietly.

"Hurry up then."

"Where do babies come from?" He asked.

She turned around sharply. "Are we really having this discussion?"

"Yes."

"You don't know where babies come from?"

"Well, Temari told me when I was younger, but I don't think she was being completely truthful."

"Where do you think they come from, Gaara." The red head flinched. For some reason he got the felling that this discussion was annoying her.

"Finland?" He said uncertainly.

"My God Gaara!" She exclaimed. "Get over here and sit down you poor man."

He sheepishly walked over to the bed and sat down. His wife took his hands. "You do know about sex don't you?"

"Of course, I'm Naruto's best friend!" Gaara said.

"Good, at least you're not a complete idiot." He bristled at this but said nothing. "It all starts when a man and a woman want to have a baby..."

**oooooo**

**30 minutes later**

Gaara was very embarrassed for not having known this. His tomato red face showed that.

"Is that all you wanted to know?" His wife asked. She had gone into a very detailed description of everything that happened before a baby could be born. And then she had also gone into the birthing process as well. The Kazekage felt a bit queasy.

He nodded.

"Alright, time for bed. And don't bother wearing anything." She got up patted his knee and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

_I think that Temari and I need to have a nice long talk._

**OOOOOO**

**All done.**

**I'd like to thank** **KonKon-Chan for this idea.**

**Thank you to all my reviewers. You all rock!**


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